The Anti-capitalist movement and the movement against capitalism meet in a fancy Italian restaurant in Berlin. Robert leads the meeting.
Robert: We get in through the underground system and take the elevator to Melania Trump’s apartment in the Trump tower … right to her bedroom. Having grabbed Trump’s wife, we inform him that Melania is in our custody and forthwith issue our demands. Any questions?
Olaf: What exactly are the demands?
Robert: We’re giving Trump two days to publish his tax files, sell his hotels to charity and abandon capitalism . If he doesn’t agree immediately we’ll execute her.
Olaf: Cut her head off?
Robert: Cut all her bits off, send ’em back every hour on the hour… show him we’re not to be trifled with. Also, we’re demanding a ten foot mahogany statue of the Donald Tump with his cock hanging out.
Kevin: They’ll never agree to that.
Robert: That’s just a bargaining counter. And of course, we point out that they bear full responsibility when we chop her up, and… that we shall not submit to blackmail.
(Applause) No blackmail!
Sigmar: They’ve bled us white, these bastards. They’ve taken everything we had, not just from us, from our fathers and from our fathers’ fathers.
Kevin: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
Sigmar: Yes.
Kevin: And from our fathers’ fathers’ fathers’ fathers.
Robert: All right, Kevin . Don’t labour the point. And what have they ever given us in return?
Socialist: Credit markets. We don’t need to stay with our parents until we are 50 and have accumulated enough savings to buy a house.
Robert: Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That’s true.
Masked Anti-Capitalist: Vaccinations and drugs to cure many deceases.
Gabriel: Oh yes… we live longer, Kevin, you remember how short and brutish life was.
Robert: All right, I’ll grant you credit markets and better healthcare are two things that Capitalism has brought us…
Revolutionary: And a massive increase in scientific knowledge with access for everyone.
Robert (sharply): Well, yes, obviously sciences… the sciences go without saying. But apart from the credit markets, healthcare, sciences, longer life expectation and education…
Another Masked Activist: We have never been as rich as we are today and we have access to virtually all products.
Other Masked Voices: And the wine, casinos, travel, movies…
Kevin: Oh yes! True!
Olaf: Yeah. That’s something we’d really miss if Capitalism failed.
Masked Activist at Back: Great cars and roads.
Kevin: Equal opportunity irrespective of sexual orientation.
(more general murmurs of agreement)
Robert: All right… all right… but apart from better wealth, education, medicine and education public health and tourism, online casions and alcohol: what have the Capitalists done for us?
Revolutionary: Freedom!
Robert: (very angry, he’s not having a good meeting at all) What!? Oh… (scornfully) Freedom, yes… shut up!